Birthdays. Full of surprises. I know mine was. Thanks to a certain girlfriend of mine( uhh, umm Jay) I was treated like a king. Dinner on Friday, dinner and a surprise party on Saturday (thank you everyone who attended, and special thanks to Laura and Jay for making it happen…for those who didn't come, shame on you…for those not invited, well i didn't plan it so there), and dinner on Sunday. Yes, I was treated like royalty all weekend. Also many thanks to all the calls and emails. Once again, if you didn't call or send an email, just send cash and it will be water under the bridge.

Wait a minute. I'm still waiting to see what New York got me. Come on New York, what'd you get me? You can tell me, it's your buddy Josh. Seriously, I won't tell anyone, what'd you get me? SURPRISE!!! Three hundred and sixty dollars worth of parking violations in two days. HappyBirthday!! 

"What?" "Are you serious?" Well my friend, is there urine and throw up in my broken elevator at any given time? Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle? Do birds fly? Absolutely. $360 big ones in the hole for the birthday boy. Welcome to manhood. Good thing the crime rate is so low in the city that the top priority is whether or not a silver Hyundai is going to make it out of the construction zone in the next 10min (that's right, had I gotten to my car 10min earlier, i would have avoided the whole thing…it was 7:30am mind you).

Woman, "Help! Rape!"

NYPD officer, "Sorry mam, I'm just gonna have to give this here Hyundai a ticket. Although he can't see the construction signs that say "tow away zone", I know about them so i'll ticket him for $115 then tow it outta here. That way he has to get it out of the pound for $185. Protecting the streets is a tough job." 

Yup. That's New York for ya. Excuse me crack addicts as I try to get into my building, and knock over a mound of cocaine. Or forgive me drug dealers for standing in your way, didn't see you there. Carry on. But heaven forbid you park in an undesignated parking slot. That's right. Easy mister. There are some heavy fines coming your way. Why do people use and sell drugs? Easy. Because parking is too dangerous. There's a much higher risk of getting caught by police parking in the city. At least with drugs, you know that no police will bother you.

Am i saying do drugs? Well, only if you want to be safe from the cops. Me however, I'm hardcore. I'm an outlaw. That's right a parking outlaw. I'm worse than Billy the Kid or Wyatt Earp. You think you're a good cop? Then just try and catch me. Anybody can bust regular ol' drug dealers, thieves, and murders, but the real test is catching that low income, punk whitekid from Tennessee, now he's dangerous.

Good job New York. Way to keep the streets safe. Oh you mean you let the man that stole my roommates purse at 7:00pm in the subway get away?  It's o.k, at least you busted the real crime in the city, and ticketed that car that was 20 minutes into the no parking time alotment. Yep. You got em.

So the lesson is simple. Don't drive in the city (oh you mean you have no choice because your company forced a car on you in order to get the job, which you will never be able to sale because it is a Hyundai and only Jersey moms drive Hyundai's). And don't have birthdays. Because New York will find that joy, and like a theif in the night, steal it away. So that's it. All you need to know…oh yeah, and do drugs. I mean why not? At least you won't be fined $360 bones. Ok, so you may commit crimes to get money for the drugs, ruin your life, destroy relationships with your loved ones, and loose everything you have froma harmful addiction…but hey, at least you'll be safe from the cops. Happy birthday.