Chinese. Japanese. Milk carton. Dolly Parton.

That's right, we all remember the motions. Oh, you don't? You think Dolly Parton is dated? Au contraire, mon frere! Dolly happens to be the most innovative celebrity on the planet. Hence the greatest establishment on the American front: Dollywood. Hence the hottest ride to withstand the test of time: the Blazing Fury. Hence the new, sleek, cutting-edge roller coaster: Mystery Mine. I mean, honestly, where in the world can one find funnel cakes, magic shops, rock caves, roller coasters, bird shows, blacksmiths, lye soap, country music, and the sketchiest people on the planet all in one place? Dollywood, my friends, Dollywood. Which is exactly where I was two weekends ago (I know, I know, that was a long time ago, but my editor was slammed this week).

It was great. I saw a bird show (and by bird show, i mean an owl sat on some guy's finger for an hour), walked around, and partook in the delicacies that ol' Dolly has to offer, like overpriced chicken and snacks. Snacks so good they made you vomit all over yourself, like in this video Bill, Cory, and I made for our show Ruff Boyz. It's the first draft of SVS, check it.

So that was a small part of my trip home. (Oh, yeah, I went home a few weeks ago with the lady, and that's why i've been out of commission.) There were also other glorious highlights, like Cotton Eyed Joes;  the UT vs. UGA game; and, of course, my mighty, mighty Cherokees (shoulda been a Cherokee, go Cherokees go). I can't complain. It was great. It was home. The great South Knox. The land of milk and honey. The Promise Land. A land so plentiful, it has produced such greats as Kenny Chesney, Johnny Knoxville (a former Doyle Pioneer, before Doyle became South Doyle, my high school), and David Keith (I know, he's a stretch). Okay, so Kenny wasn't exactly from South Knox, but he is from Knoxville, just like Todd Helton, Chad Pennington, and Dolly herself (again, not really Knoxville but close enough). I told you it was the land that bore much fruit. And funnel cakes. And lots of other tourist attractions. Did somebody say the Smoky Mountains? Booyeah!