New York City. The city of dreams. The "Big Apple". Cutting edge in fashion, entertainment, and technology. A place where diversity is embraced, and anything is accepted…except check cards.

Honestly, it is unbelievable how many places in New York City won't accept check or credit cards when you go out to eat…it is un-be-lievable. New York, could you be any more cutting edge and any less convenient? I mean seriously, just take check cards. I promise it won't hurt. Just try it.

I mean who doesn't love going to get some last minute groceries, or a pack of gummy cherries, or a slice of pizza from a local vendor, and paying a $1.75 ATM charge? I know I do. My face just lights up every time I get the opportunity to pay a service charge equivalent to the purchase I am about to make. I've heard of nickel and diming someone, but this is getting ridiculous. It's like the vendors take pride in knowing that I am being robbed by an automatic teller machine, but it's not like I can just not get the pack of cherry gummies…have you ever had HARIBO cherry gummies? I mean, who doesn't like gummies? They're dynamite.

So New York if you're listening, I have a simple request…just accept check cards, or have free snack booths set up full of HARIBO gummies and pizza. Honestly, I don't think it's that big of a request. Think of the money that could be saved! But then again, I think a great philosopher said it best," It's like the more money we come across, the more problems we see." Thank you Diddy.

Ahhh, the joys and pains of public transportation. Wake up. Catch the subway. Catch the bus. Repeat. Yes, I travel almost everywhere by means of public transportation (I say almost, because I am not including the car that I pay 600 bucks a month for that never gets driven which I've had for a year and only has 4,000 miles on it…that's another story.) Let's discuss the joys.

The joys are simple. 1. I do not have to pay for gas (but I do have to pay $3.10 each way for a bus ticket to work, and $76 for an unlimited subway pass…which comes to $188 a month…which means I will probably be homeless by this time next year…but hey, no transportation cost, right?)

2. I get to sleep on the bus ride into the city…and by sleep, I mean stay awake and listen to loud people eat egg sandwiches and blast their IPOD. Honestly, is there any worse smell than an egg sandwich? Let alone on a bus? I mean, who eats egg sandwiches? Nobody knows.

3. I get to reflect on the week/my life/ the universe/gravity/how a sea monkey will grow/and anything else on one's mind while waiting for the bus or subway. Seriously, could the bus take any longer to arrive at its intended destination. "Get a bus schedule," you say. Well, the bus schedules are only designed to make you feel better. See, the buses don't realy arrive at the times they are intended to arrive. NJ transit only prints those out to give you a false hope that somewhere out there, there is a bus running on schedule. And doesn't it make sense to run a subway car even remotely regular late at night? If half the city is waiting on a subway car at night, then maybe there is a need? Or maybe even have mercy on us Harlem folk, and have a car run express past 11:00pm? Just a thought.

Well, now that we have discussed the joys…wait, you mean to tell me that the joys are the pains, and that public transportation has simply built a web of deceit by fooling the community into believing it stands on logical principals? Surely not! I refuse to believe such outlandish tomfoolery!You all can believe what you will! As for me and my house, we will continue to ride public transportation with pride and dignity. Web of deceit….Ha!….how ridiculous… I am not fooled…no sir, I see things clearly. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a bus to catch.

This weekend I attended the biggest pool party I've ever been to…except there was no water. Do not fret my friends, no water was needed at Jelly NYC's Pool Parties @ Mc Carren Park. Thanks to my good friend from Tennessee's sister Sarah, who produced the whole thing (great job Sarah!) the concert was awesome! Complete with dodge ball, slip n' slide and Ben and Jerry's ice cream. Seriously, does it get any better than those three basics? Sure, they had hot dogs, hamburgers, and beer, but when it's all said and done you have to have the basics to survive: dodge ball, slip n' slide, and Ben and jerry's ice cream(sweet cream and cookies might I add).

Jelly NYC did an amazing job at putting on this event. With great bands like Apollo Sunshine, Beirut, Deerhoof, and The Harlem Shakes…the day was a success. Not to mention D.J Quest Love was rockin' everyone's face off…I'm serious. There were faces literally scattered amongst the floor (o.k, I realize that was a bit graphic, but the point is, it was awesome). I'm sure there are some of you who are like,"who are these bands?" Well my friends, I was once like you…but I have been enlightened, and I must say these three bands were a true treat and I would advise checking them out.

 So there you have it. Good times. If dodge ball is not your thing, slip n' slide. If slip n' slide is not your thing, eat ice cream. If ice cream is not your thing, listen to great music. And if you still haven't found anything for you…I am going to have to doubt your existence as a human being. Seriously, I would have to closely examine your existence.

If you want a typical pool party, go to a hotel, pretend you are staying there, and take a dip.(I think we're all guilty of posing as patrons at least once in our life, right? Oh, just me? Dang.) But if you want a real pool party, check out The Pool Parties at Mc Carren Park. There are still a few left, so be there or be square. Who wants to be square? Not me. Can you imagine? A square human being! Creepy.

So here it is, the newest thing: Verizon's new chocolate phone. I mean honestly, this is getting ridiculous. First it was the Razor, now this. I admit, when I first saw the commercial for this new "chocolate" phone, I thought I was watching the beginning of the original Willy Wanka(I say original, because the latest Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was one of the worst movies I'd ever seen…don't just digitally dub a midget, and make him the entire Umpa Lumpa clan…and Johnny Depp, I love most of your movies, however, don't act like a creepy child molester in one of the greatest stories ever told).

Seriously, you should see this commercial, it is a phone being dipped and pulled out of chocolate. Let's clear up a few things: First, no phone will be able to endure this type of chocolate coating. I mean heck, if I accidentally spit on my phone, the buttons don't work for a week, and I have to get a new one( which by the way is the biggest ordeal ever, if you're trying to get a new phone by using your "phone insurance" a.k.a file a police report for a stolen item…seriously, I lost my cell phone and they asked me to file a police report to access the insurance …a police report!?). Secondly, if my phone is dipped in chocolate, I want to have the ability to eat it…I mean who doesn't like a chocolate phone? Nobody knows? The phone can do everything else…navigation system, MP3 player, Internet options, picture and video camera, Bluetooth stereo system, oh yeah…and a phone. But you can't eat it. Nope, you can't do that. I mean you could, but you would break all your teeth off, and everyone would call you gummie.

So there it is, the latest craze, but fear not my friends…this fad will fade like all the others, and "chocolate" will be viewed by Americans everywhere as a sweet sugary snack, and "razor" will be a tool used by men and women everywhere to make their skin silky smooth. After the fad, people will once again put down their phones, and begin to embrace the lost art of face to face communication and land line services. I will start this revolution, or maybe I will buy a chocolate phone to see what all the fuss is about…I mean, it does look cool.